Heavy Metal Band Recants Thirty-Year-Old Statement

SYDNEY--At a press conference earlier today, the legendary rock band AC/DC issued a surprise reversal of what has been a key band theme for the past 30 years. Lead singer Brian Johnson stated to the press corps assembled in front of the majestic Sydney Opera House, "Despite what we have been leading our fans to believe for these past few decades, AC/DC has come to the realization that rock and roll is, in fact, noise pollution."

Johnson, referring to the 1980 hit "Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution," went on to explain what led to the band's about-face. "For years, we have produced loud, heavy music on albums and during live performances. Late last year, we received a letter from the EPA, which included results from a study they had done of listeners to our music." The study found that close to 95% of all AC/DC fans listen to the band's music at a volume level of eleven on a scale of one to ten. This correlates to a decibel level of 120, far exceeding the upper limit of what is considered "safe" to most experts. "With the realization that we were causing most of our fans substantial hearing loss, we had no choice to conclude that our music was and should be classified as 'noise pollution' per EPA guidelines."

The band remained noncommittal about their future. "We're just not sure yet," said lead guitarist Angus Young. "Right now, we're thinking about doing an acoustic album with Yo Yo Ma, or maybe working on a project with the Kidz Bop people. But we still have to talk things through."

The announcement comes on the heels of another classic rock shock. Last Wednesday David Bowie issued a statement to Rolling Stone in which he wrote that he was "no longer afraid of Americans." Bowie declined further comment, but was seen later that day at Disneyland. He was allegedly eating an extra-long hot dog at the time.